I just popped on my iTunes my favorite writing music, the soundtrack to the documentary "The Heart is a Drum Machine" by Steven Drozd. It's elegant and peaceful, rollicking and restful, and he's got perfect pitch to boot in his harmonies, though the one song on the album that's not an instrumental is not sung by Steven himself. It's also really good traveling music, should you ever be inclined to drive or fly. It's a shame the album isn't about, say, 65 minutes longer. But that's what the repeat button is for, right?...
read more
I was talking to my layman pharmacologist/insanely intelligent best friend, Kate, last night about the NyQuil debacle on the phone. We talked about the alcohol content in NyQuil, which in relativity, is quite small, at 10%. The other active and inactive ingredients in the drug are dextromethorphan HBr and doxylamine succinate, a cough suppresant and an antihistamine respectively. This does not negate the fact that I consumed alcohol; rather, it reinforces the fact that when I mixed the NyQuil with Zoloft, Lomotil, Pr...
read more
Speaking of anniversaries, well, folks, we have a new one to "celebrate." The 4-year sobriety anniversary is not to be anymore. The new sobriety date is February 13, 2012. Clean slate. New beginning.
All thanks to me taking some NyQuil nighttime cough/cold medication when I had pneumonia and continuing to take it after I was better. NyQuil is comprised of 10% alcohol per bottle. That's what? The equivalent of being about 70 proof?
Or 35? I'm so bad at math and the equivalents of proofs of alcohol per bottle.
I...
read more
Stosh released me late this afternoon. THANK GOD. Because I was having the world's worst anxiety attack at the thought of spending the night in the hospital on the night my father died in THAT hospital. Bad vibes all over the place. He was comfortable with me going home--my fever broke finally, he finished all his tests, the exception being the SCARY SPINAL TAP the neurologist needs to do next week.
Having 3 places in my brain where there's no blood flow certainly explains the blackouts/passouts/double vision/dept...
read more
I don't smoke pot or take illicit street drugs.
Have I ever tried smoking pot? Yes. It's been a few years, and the end result of me trying pot is always the same: I get crazy paranoid and throw up a whole lot. Dabbled a bit with it in college, and it didn't do much for me except make me cough (this was before I was habitually smoking cigarettes). I can't honestly say I've ever been pleasantly high from smoking marijuana. But I know a lot of people who smoke pot and enjoy it and that's alright for them, I suppose. ...
read more
When I was drinking, and living in my own apartment in Chicago, I would come to my mom's house to do laundry. It was a more cost-effective, sanitary way to wash clothes other than using the coin-operated machines in my apartment building.
Ma stored all the liquor in the basement, in a white cabinet on the wall. Lots of brandy, vermouth, cognac, whiskey, just general "brown" colored liquor. Whilst doing the laundry, while she was at work, I would nip into the liquor cabinet and pour myself a strong drink from those...
read more
I wrote this piece in February, 2011, 3 years into my sobriety. The date of my last drink was February 21, 2008. It's now been 1,382 days since my last drink.
"Hello Sobriety: Thoughts on Three Years"
Even given my super-annyoing alcoholic memory loss and cognitive dysfunction, I remember the day I checked myself into rehab vividly. After spending the night getting dead drunk (almost literally), with Luke (my 8-year old son) sleeping in his room, I was talking to Christopher (my boyfriend of 2 months) on the ph...
read more
Things on the dining room table where I write: Luke's extremely sharp pocket knife, a work pen of mine he broke, my work pens/highlighters/key to the office, half a dozen Lego Halo guys and a ship, my jury summons (thank you, Dr. M, for the excuse letter), miscellaneous pills, Luke's report card (straight A's!), a stuffed bat, Jayden's memorial service church service bulletin, coupons for Always pads, blank DVD's, my Polish boxing gloves, my camera, Viagra sticky notes, various catalogs, all of my mom's shit, and inf...
read more
Read this from Narcotics Anonymous on my Facebook tonight and thought I'd share the quote below, which I thought befitting of being in the throes of addiction, whether it's to narcotics or alcohol, my two worst vices. Active addiction is a scary, lonely place. Numbing yourself in active addiction becomes your first life priority, because the world HURTS. It's amazing how substance-centered your life becomes. Apart from completing basic, essential life tasks and responsibilities, the rest of your existence is placed u...
read more
Dan Farish (9)
Anniearchy (9)
Tony Leach (6)
Crystal (5)
Gary Topley (4)