NEVER AGAIN! 05/20/12
Whether it was drink, drugs or even food, how many times have you vowed ‘Never again!’ after you’ve overindulged? And how many times have you gone and done it again? In fact if you don’t want to repeat something, the last thing you should say is ‘Never again!’
Here’s 5 reasons why:
1. You are setting yourself up to fail – Saying ‘never’ about anything is totally unrealistic and so you’re more likely to give in, if what you’re setting out to do is unachievable from the outset. Get real! Set yourself progressive goals that will help you reach your aim whether that is limiting your intake or abstaining altogether.
2. The more times you tell yourself ‘Never again’, the more guilty and ashamed you feel when you do. This could well lead you to overindulge again and perhaps even worse than previously.
3. You have no control over the future. No matter how determined you are to keep to your word and not replicate the same behaviour, you don’t know what could happen to you next week, month, or year.
4. By telling others that you will never do something again, you are making a commitment you are unlikely to be able to keep. Not only are you going to let yourself down but those people you’ve promised are also going to be let down too. That in turn is going to damage their ability to trust you in the future and it can destroy their willingness to trust others too.
5. If it was as easy as saying ‘Never again’, addictions would not exist. Learn from those who know not to make impractical and idealistic undertakings. They know that addictions are not controlled by will power and have recognised the importance of taking a day at a time.
I have no idea how many times I declared to myself, friends and colleagues that I would cut back or stop drinking altogether. When I vowed ‘Never again’ I genuinely wanted it to be true. Yet until I was able to recognise that I was an addict and seek help there was no way I was going to be able to not drink.
Today I don’t make rash promises about tomorrow. Even after thirteen years of sobriety I wouldn’t say I’d never drink again. Recovery means that I focus on each day as it comes and deal with whatever comes my way in a sober, positive and realistic way.
bluetufty
After a 20 year battle with the booze I am now proud to be 13 years sober. Living life as I was meant to be and hoping to inspire others. Freelance writer originally from London now living in N.Ireland.
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26 Responses to this article
Love the post. Small steps seems to be a good answer for everyone, including family members. Assuming that something will never happen again, just sets us up for disappointment. Thanks for sharing.
Thanks for comments Cathy. You are so right! It doesn’t where you are at in the recovery process or whether you’re the addict or family, small manageable steps are the best!
Great article! There can be so much guilt and shame associated with addiction. But the craving can come back and the cycle begins again. Wonderful points and so needed for recovery!
Thanks for your comments Lisa. It’s that dreadful cycle powered by guilt and shame that can prevent a successful recovery. With the right help though there is much to be achieved one step at a time.
Great post. You are so right about facing each day as it come in a positive way for everyone involved. Small steps become big steps if broken down. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you for your comments Terressa. It just doesn’t make sense to project into the future where addictions are concerned. And as you say, little steps add up to big steps. Going forward is the important thing!
I have said these words many times and am learning to be gentler on myself…fall down and get up. An addiction is an addiction no matter what it is. Thanks for the great article
You have raised an important point Elaine and that is to be kinder to ourselves. That doesn’t mean not taking responsibility but simply not beating ourselves up when we slip. That’s where great learning can occur!
Progress goals make so much more sense than vowing, “Never again!” I really like this idea because it sets you up to succeed rather than to fail. Great post!
Great comments Nisha, thanks. Nobody sets out to fail but sometimes we need to rethink our approach if we are going to succeed
Mine is food, for sure! But…! I know to never say never. And jump back onto the ‘healthy bandwagon’ quickly. Great article and nice to read something uplifting and helpful.
Thanks for the encouraging words Dorien! You’ve made a great point and that is to keep moving forward by jumping back onto the ‘healthy bandwagon’. Getting back on track is what counts:)
Oh! That never again that we begin with…If only it was as simple as the spoken word! Tee-hee! Thanks for sharing some great tips!
Thanks Norma! Don’t we all wish it were that simple but being aware of the need to change is a good starting point!
You’re right, we can be so careless with our words, and then wonder why our behaviors don’t keep our commitments. I’m definitely adding “never again” to my list of phrases to try to avoid … whatever the context.
Thanks you for your great comments Sharon! Words are indeed very powerful in how we think and ultimately behave.
I love reason #1. Saying never is definitely setting yourself up to fail. Setting progress goals is a much better option even if the progress is minimal… it is Progress!! Thanks for a great post!!
Thank you Patsy! It doesn’t matter what goal you’re trying to achieve, it’s moving forward that counts and as you say …it is progress!
Great advice Carolyn. Much better to live each day as it comes, and enjoy the moment than to promise yourself something you can’t live up to. Thanks for sharing!
Thanks for your kind comments Helena. ‘Enjoy the moment’ is a good attitude
Love this Carolyn. Often I thought I had victory in certain areas of my life but then I returned back to the old tape. Congratulations! Appreciate you sharing your authentic self.
Thanks Carol. It’s often when we think we have conquered something that we get caught ‘off guard’ and we’ve gone and done it again! Frustrating but true. But we can learn from it and move on in the direction!
Our words are so powerful! I like what you are saying. What I use are the words “I am.” Bringing forth my future in a positive way. It keeps the mindset on the right path. I guess saying “I am a recovering alcoholic and I am taking it one day at a time” would be an example that would be good for anyone who is addicted and living in sobriety with the help of recovery. Always like reading your posts. You are an inspiration. Bless you!
Martha, Thank you! Positive words are powerful and using the right words can change your life for the better. But at the end of day it’s our actions that will always speak louder than words
Step by step, one day at a time. That’s all anyone can ask for. Once you’ve learned one day at time, then you can move on to one week at a time. It’s how habits are made and habits–and addictions–are broken.
That’s great advice Marie and you’re so right to point that habits are broken step by step because no one becomes addicted over night!