OVERCOME 07/30/12

If your reading this or have found yourself sitting in an N.A. or A.A. meeting there probably a good chance your looking for help or the court sent you to that meeting. I came of my own accord, not that I hadn’t been court ordered before trust me. I had a serious problem with drugs mostly. The drink had left awhile back do to the fact that I smoked too much crack to drink anymore. Lets get back to what I want to say. Most of us have known failure all too well, it had become what we new.It was the ending each time we tried to quit. We had no true knowledge of the real problem going on inside us. To be quite honest I truly loved to get high and drunk. Here in lies the problem: CONSEQUENCES. I did not want to stop what I was doing, I just wanted people to leave me the fuck alone. You fix the shit I got myself into I had something better to do. I’m sure a lot of us felt the same way. I’ll stop long enough to feel better, to look better, than we’ll giver another shot. I’ve been lucky in my relapses I am still alive, you on the other hand are not your now DEAD. Sounds a little harsh doesn’t it, tuff shit thats reality. If you want to die keep doing what your doing it’s waiting for you. I came to find the problem with me was ME not drugs and alcohol, they just amplified the problem.

So now I’ve stopped the using part and guess what? The problem is still there, the problem is in my attitude towards the world. The world was against me so I thought.Now reality kicks in after two years of trying everything but the solution. The solution was simply to change the way I looked and reacted to people, place and things. I finally accepted the fact I needed someone to show me how to change, what to change, and what to keep. I don’t work an A.A. program or an N.A. program. I use what I learned from the both of them. I found people who would let me find my own way, and help at the same time. Not tell me I can’t do this and I can’t do that. I found my program. I found my heart again, and put it to work with my mind. I found I can stand on my own two feet and move forward the way I choose. I ask people about things I don’t understand. Do I always listen? Hell no, I still have a lot of fight in me. But for the most part the fight left in me is not as ignorant of what I am dealing with. I fought for too long to learn this lesson. So here’s my advice: “SIT DOWN, SHUT UP, AND LISTEN” when your heart tells you it time to stand up, listen to it and give back what you’ve learned. When you do things are sure to change, but remember that change is not always going to be what you want. DEAL WITH IT!

Jamie Mckinley

Born 11/07/1959 Quit school and on life November 1975. I returned to the living in 2009 after an attempted suicide and a trip to rehab. Got my GED in 2010 and started college two months later. I am on a journey to find out who I really and learn to give back of myself for the first time in many years. I'm going for a degree in social work and substance abuse. Today after many relapses I am finally finding what I need to be clean and sober and become a better person all through self discovery, the right people and thinking outside the box.

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